lost again

ya lagi lagi terantuk lagi, semua yang terkekang didalam perihal-perihal yang tak terbantah sepi-sepi dan kalimat-kalimat perantauan, berkeliling mengejar angin, mungkin, ketika tukang ojek yang bersedih didepan warung bandrek itu mendapat bayaran terakhirnya malam ini, dan mungkin juga kedipan-kedipan dan peralihan-peralihan yang tak kita sadari, tenda-tenda dalam malam yang menyala, juga kunang-kunang yang terbang, jatuh, dan mati.

dalam kematiannya sang kunang-kunang berkelit manja, menyapu semua segi-segi peraduan dan perih-perih yang mendelik perlahan, sehingga tak mati semua jenis dan semua awan yang bergerak pelan, cepat, beradu, berputar, jungkir balik miring sedikit.

dan didalam pagar batas ini, lompatan-lompatan dan teriakan-teriakan. aspal yang memudar dan sepi yang menenggelamkan. tapi ya tapi tinggal tapi, usai seudah semua yang semu, kini tinggal bangkai terasi dan selingan-selingan pedih dari pengumuman-pengumuman, dan tersisa hanya hanya.

namun lalu lelah hanya.

segi.

Even if the time comes when we can no longer see this kind of scene, I will be happy if I can just be with everyone I’ve been with up until now.

yah kalau sudah sedih toh mau gimana

memang

sialan.

yah.

karena kekampretan sejatinya adalah penyakit.

you could just do it now.

you know what? fuck you.

yes indeed i could do it just now

but not when the thing that brought you happiness has a potential to bring you down instead

im dying. and in order to reborn i need to die first.

and i cant die now

for so many fucking reasons, mainly people.

just.

fuck everything.

stream of words

so hey. it's me again.

what did you want to really do anyway.

the darkness that envelopes everything you do

like what did you want to do when they weren't around

a single jingle bells

just a place to escape, maybe?

candles and apples? a crime of uncanny unimportance?

thus everything bleeds.

you always been like this.

blue needs to push you whether it's apart or not.

substantially, it needs a reform.

yet it doesn't.

clash of thoughts, perhaps?

let's just die, right?

so once again, pikachu. should i choose you or what.